time

No sense of time

Walking about, I’ve lost sense of time. Just kind of meandering, aimlessly. Something gnaws at my fancy and I pursue it, without thought to ramifications, or at what cost. All things are equal, only some slightly more interesting than others. No responsibilities, only to follow my curiousity.

When I went for this walk, I only brought keys and my phone (though I even reconsidered that choice along the way — who needs a big chunk of plastic and silicon to go for a walk?). I didn’t bring any money or bus pass or credit or debit cards. I have no portable means of economic exchange. If I wanted to eat, I wouldn’t be able to pay for it, as I normally would. I’d have to resort to some other, perhaps now, more foreign methods of barter.

But, at least I have time and my hunger’s not so strong yet.

I wonder if it’s my sense of time and urgency that defeats me so often. I wonder if I flourish with non-paying work because my time is therefore limitless and free to be given; I can give as much or as little as I please, and it’s still never too little or too much. It’s simply what I gave.

The expectations that time places upon one must surely be confounding and something of the make-believe adult world. I don’t remeber being so concerned with time as a child, except when it was imposed on me.

I guess the thing is, we spend so much time trying to get to something else, trying to hurry the pace of arrival, that we fail to exist or take for enjoyment the middle spaces, where we are really no where in particular but moving through time. Then there is really nothing to lose or to gain, but simply being in those tied-together moments, one coming ever-readily after the other.

But there is surely something about time that is adult, and not just the obsession with ever-more-ornate timepieces. It’s partially that you’re, on the one hand, constrained and beaten down by all forms of time (for there are many many) and on the other, it’s up to you, in some cases, to provide the freedom to youth to have time to explore… if not to make it for them.

Still, there is something essential in escaping, if ever so briefly, the constructs of human kind that impose arbitrary walls and boundaries upon us.

I suppose I should get going now, perhaps hurry up to the next thing. The exploration continues though and I can still find my way with no sense of time.

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